Anton: “Humble yourself, ladies and gentlemen because you are, in fact, sitting in a temple of God. Do you own property? Then you stand down because I’m a man of good standing and my creditability is not in question. I’m an honoured guest in your country, let me do what I do and shut up. Thankyou. Unless you want to deal with it. Because I’m a man of honour and that’s the way I was raised – I didn’t have any say so in it unlike you – spoilt brat.”

(Song x2)

Anton: “Now ladies and gentlemen there’s a reason why my glasses cost more than the car that your boyfriend fuckin’ drove you in. It was a gift. Let me do my job. You guys do your job which is to be entertained by an entertainer. That’s the contract you bought into when you purchased a ticket to my show. It is my honour to entertain you. Let me do my job. You guys talk amongst yourselves. I’m fertile, shut up. I will fuck you and you’ll become pregnant. Please, please, please. I am very ill. I’m not supposed to be here. I’m supposed to be flying home. But I have more respect for the people on the plane, they’re Aussies who are going to America that has no honour. I don’t have enough energy to argue with you assholes, kick your asses and entertain you. You guys kick each other’s asses. Somebody pipes up, charge them and beat them to death or humanely show them the door and don’t touch them and that will be a matter of your integrity. You have a choice. I’m going to entertain you, you guys police yourselves, have a good time, I don’t give a shit. I’m a blind man.”

(Song)

Anton: “Toss another shot of ice in my eye. We’re not playing games. Shut the fuck up and let me catch my breath, you fuckin’ cunt. Thankyou. You know I have the good decency to die in my own country and here I’m an honoured guest. Is this how you treat your guests? No, fuckin’ way. You guys police yourselves. Right now when you’re talking I want the discussion to be ‘do we beat the shit out of the next person who disrespects me or we show them the door?’ And that’s your problem because technically I’m here as a guest. I’m here to play music, not teach you how to be men. You can all go fuck yourselves in the gym. I’m here to play music, not how to teach you how to be a cocksucker. Let me remind you that is not a badge of honour, that is a supreme insult – cocksucker. Everybody knows six pack abs are a code for ‘I suck cock really well’. If you pay for a gym membership you’re a cocksucker. You like to watch men take showers. If you live on a hill, walk up and down it and get your groceries. You’ll have six pack abs like I do that are hidden by my fuckin’ angst, my outrage. Humble yourself, you fuckin’ cunt. Throw this man out, please, he’s right here - laughing. You’ll notice him, he’s got a red face and he’s getting scared. Show him the door. He just lost. Bye. Bye. I don’t have to play. I’ll cause a riot. If you don’t show him the door, show him a chair. Thankyou. Fuck up and shut up you cheese eating monkeys. I am humbled. Thankyou for saying that. Your honour is restored my man. I have no problem with that. You can stay. That’s the way you do it...ssshh, don’t yell at me. Basically, if you don’t like saying sorry you don’t do nothing wrong. That’s the way it’s gotta be. That’s the way to move forward. That’s the way to get greater responsibilities. Now, I need to catch my breath again. So let’s talk amongst yourselves and prepare yourselves for this next great riff. It’s called ‘Hide & Seek’. I’m not hiding behind anything. I’m not wearing sneakers. I’m wearing the blunts. You know why? Because they’ve been getting people’s attention since 1860. They were a gift from your government. I’m a honoured and humbled guest, restoring respect. You know what? Your Aussie special forces are fighting our battles. My country’s battles. Check it out though. They’re not wearing the Aussie flag. They’re wearing the US flag. Aussies are being disrespected. And I told my government to stick my passport up the fuckin’ pretzel choking, cheerleader from Yale’s ass that I like. And I’ll live in a country that has honour. I said I would stand proud, everyday of my life and pay, to employ other people, to clean your heroes’ graves. If you want to yell at me, don’t do it because that’s gonna be code for ‘you’re getting your head kicked in’. Cos I just unleashed a can of ‘whip ass’. Now we have an understanding amongst gentlemen. Enjoy the show, kids, I wrote it all for you. I want to entertain you. Fuck this guy he gets to go sit in the back of the room. Now, we have to wait another minute while I catch my breath. No use talking to me. Fuck yourself, you already have. What are you gonna do – challenge me to a fuckin’ jack-off contest you fuckin’ dick-fuck. You have no honour. You deserve to be the first victim of a mad man’s bomb and I will thank them, as I kill them, for killing you. Ask me to play a song you fuckin’ cunt. Now we’re playing ‘Wisdom’. Leave your mark on the world, not on my ears you fuckin’ punk.”

(Song)

Anton: “Come here and whisper it in my ear and I will lay you out, you fuckin’ Demon. What are gonna do – call a goblin? I’ll stick the goblin in your ass and cook you, eat you both and then shit you out, my good man. Security please stop him from coming up here otherwise I’ll kill myself. I can, technically, kick the shit out of anyone who comes up here and challenges me to a duel. But I’m here to entertain you and this song is called ‘Hide & Seek’. Would you like to hear it? Or do you want to argue with me? Or let your gay boyfriend’s yell at me? Slap them. Women, slap anybody who fuckin’ heckles me. Please. Only the ladies have permission tonight. Slap the fuckin’ shit out these rude bastards. They’re the guys who will be raping your daughters and this thing is dedicated to a beautiful girl who will not be fucked by a monster or a goblin. This song is dedicated to young Miss Ivy. It’s a nice song for nice people...”

(Song)

Anton: “Thankyou. If you’re asking yourself why I’m 36 going on 37 and just showing up on these shores it wasn’t because I wrote that song in 1990. It was because everybody is terrified about what I could do. Now you think about that. That’s because I had to defeat everybody first to come here. Do you hear what I’m saying? It wasn’t because I put that out as our third single when we were teenagers. It’s because it’s terrifying what power is in the hands of people that don’t have respect for themselves. So it took a long time and I’m honoured to be a guest in your country. Do you hear me? Thankyou. The pleasure is mine, let me entertain you. Let me catch my breath because I don’t have any. But I could still kick your ass but be patient and give me a second. Do you understand? Thankyou. I can just waste what little time you have.”

(Song is stopped – the guy they got up on stage has tried to do the lead vocals)

Anton: “Apologise. His job is not to sing the song. I’m the singer. You’re my guest. You’re not sorry. You only said you’re sorry once. Let’s play the song right, as I wrote it. You’re job is to sing with the musicians. Slap that man. I understand you for a fool. I’m not a fuckin’ joker, I’m not your organ grinder monkey nigger. Anyone with honour slap that guy. Give me a flashlight. I’m gonna start pointing out assholes. Everybody applaud if I can please just play this song rather than point out assholes with this flashlight. Thankyou. Majority rules. The guy right there needs to go, he has a bottle in his hand and he’s yelling at me. He’s too drunk, to drink. Take away his cellphone. He shouldn’t call anybody when he’s drunk. That’s an insult. Put on a sticker that says ‘don’t call when I’m an asshole or drunk’. Who you gonna call? Your mommy? She’s got you out of every jam, but not this one. This guy needs to go, right now. My bouncers are ruthless. Can I just play the fuckin’ song? Can I do it? Thankyou, majority rules once again. Western civilisation will continue. ‘God save humanity’ that’s what you should be screaming. Shove it up your ass, I’ll give you a shovel.”

(Song)

Anton: “Truth is I will be getting a new band because...tough shit, let me finish, it’s rude of you to interrupt me. Leave. These guys should get kicked out for arguing with me. This is not parliament – there will be no protests. I will lay down the mic. You shut up and I’ll play...”

Final freak out instrumental with Anton on bass. Wild.

¡Tarantula!
the Sand Pebbles' fanzine
'another ghost transmission...'
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©2004 Christopher Hollow